February 2012
42 posts
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I’m tired of being nice, and understanding, and you know what? I’m done with it.
I’m angry. I’m bitter. I put a lot of work into dealing with my shit. It’s an evolutionary process. Life is a process of changing and breaking down and rebuilding and then doing it again. It’s hard, and it fucking hurts, but that’s what it is. It’s what we do. The...
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“A Little Piece,” The Jezabels
...
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First of all, the only bad thing about day drinking after yoga is when you have to go to work at 6.
Some highlights: there are lots of good shows coming up.
Gotye is March 23rd.
First Aid Kit is March 31st.
Jezabels is April 13th.
This post might not make any sense.
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The other day I reblogged a post about hope. Since then I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what gives me hope, and trying to find it especially when I come to that darkest place.
I have been feeling like I am at the bottom of myself. The end. As close to desperation as it is possible for me to be and still get up and practice yoga and go to work. I read something yesterday on Elephant...
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“It might help you to remember that your struggle is ultimately so much like the...”
– Dear Sugar Column #97: You Have Arrived at the Fire
Sugar: one of the influences helping me get through the next few weeks. Chunks of her columns have become personal mantras. I read her words over and over again.
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“I wanted to join a team so I wouldn’t have to answer any more questions, so I...”
– Notes from a Unicorn by Seth Fisher on The Rumpus
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The Frenemy.: On Hope →
thefrenemy:
Somebody asked me what made me feel hopeful. Here’s my answer:
Days I wake up and feel happy even though I have nothing to look forward to
Days I wake up and know exactly why I feel happy and that’s the best
The tiny, ridiculous victory of not sending a drunk text
A free drink, bought by a…
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We expected something, something better than...
“There are no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ people. Some are a little better or a little worse,...”
– Tennessee Williams (via wandery)
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There is a girl waiting next to me for the subway whose teal Uggs perfectly match the teal highlights in her dark hair.
“Attachment is watching sand slipping through your fingers and crying at the loss...”
– LazyYogi (via lucifelle)
I disabled my facebook account so that every time someone tags my (ex) girlfriend in a post or accepts her friend request and she pops up on my news feed, this is not another excuse to cry. I’ve convinced myself that being disconnected from social media really is better (even though today everything makes me want to cry anyway).
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Truthful Tuesday
Due to recent events, I feel like my heart has been ripped out.
I have posted on here only in the most detached way I can because… I don’t know. Because I feel guilty about always being a mess. I feel bad for all of you who read my blog and see my ups and downs (and wonder why I make the same mistakes over and over again).
I should have known I wasn’t actually ready for a...
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I’ll be your Emmylou and I’ll be your June And...
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“The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at...”
– Derek Walcott
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“Oh, darling, you will be good to me, won’t you? Because we’re going to have a...”
– Ernest Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms (via aestivial)
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Also, it feels really strange and fateful when I run into acquaintances from what seems like a past life and mention my girlfriend and they say “oh, I’m glad you finally figured that out. Nobody can tell somebody that they’re gay. They have to find it out themselves.”
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Girls night AKA getting drunk with my lesbian coworkers & boss AKA talking about the worst fight ever with my girlfriend.
I finally think it’s all gonna be ok.
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“I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about...”
– J.D. Salinger (via venebelle)
Best friends are the ones who tell you their...
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from Anne Sexton
“I sat all day stuffing my heart into a shoe box…
I did not know the woman I would be nor that blood would bloom in me each month like an exotic flower, nor that children, two monuments, would break from between my legs two cramped girls breathing carelessly, each asleep in her tiny beauty. I did not know that my life, in the end, would run over my mother’s like a truck and...
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Today I'm going to drink all the coffee and clean...
And then I might make some valentines for my loves if I have any energy left.
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I plan every minute of my life. I need structure to survive. I think of my schedule as Tetris that is constantly shifting. The people in my life who don’t plan like this stress me out. I think the reason I need so much organization is because I am always building and rebuilding my expectations. I need to know what to expect so I can know when to be disappointed. Unexpected disappointment...
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“I can’t say which it’s going to be for you—whether you should reinvest in the...”
– Dear Sugar Column #96: The Dark Cocoon
“You have a heart of gold
and I am kneeling in your bloodstream
panning for the...”
– Andrea Gibson, from “Staircase” (via loveyourchaos)
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I just finished watching the last episode of Six...
Season finales LOVE montages.
Also I dyed my hair black and gave myself layers. Pictures to follow.
I’m in the kind of dangerous mood where I am thinking about dying my hair black and cutting half of it off. Right now. Myself.
“Let’s borrow life preservers and jump over. I think we should do something...”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald, ‘Tender is the Night.’
(via nogreatillusion)
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Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about masculine versus feminine. I think being with Liz these past few months has uncovered masculinity in me that I didn’t know existed. I guess it’s more of an energy than anything else. It’s certainly not a physical manifestation (unless you count becoming obsessed with zip up hoodies, which is probably entirely unrelated).
To be...
Crying on the bus for no reason.
Hormones are taking over my body.
Send help!
January 2012
35 posts
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That thing when you realize it’s 4 o’clock and you’ve only had 5 cookies and a double shot latte and you can’t figure out why you want to cry if anyone so much as looks at you funny, and then you remember you forgot to take vitamins this morning which is the equivalent of anti-anxiety medication for your vitamin B deprived vegetarian brain and determine that yes,...
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“Falling back into you feels so nice. Despite all the history, it still feels...”
– Gwen O’Toole, “Slow Blind Drive”
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“But the most important point I did not mention and was not thought of by anyone—...”
– Claire Morgan “The Price of Salt”
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“Nothing is original. Steal from anywhere that resonates with inspiration or...”
– Jim Jarmusch, Rule #5
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I feel so much gratitude for all the loves in my...
“Life continues, and some mornings, weary of the noise, discouraged by the...”
– Letter to P.B. Lyrical and Critical Essays, 1970 Albert Camus (via redvelvetteacake)